March 5, 2012

Growing Up and Letting Go

Some weeks are big in the lives of our children.  This past week was one of those for our oldest.  So many things happened all at once.  Some highs and some lows.  As I walked the journey with my daughter I was just awed by how she handled it all.  With grace and humbleness and with tears and then stubborn resolve.  With determination, with sadness and disappointment, with joy, with passion and with a deeper understanding of herself.

I loved the moments she just needed me to be there with her and know those are going to be fewer and fewer as she builds her resolve to deal with it all herself. I was there to encourage, praise, support, and just hold.  I know after this week I will look at her through a different lens.  I know she grew more all at once this week than she has in a long time.  I know I see something different in her, or I suppose it has always been there just harder for me to accept and see for myself.

My daughter is growing up and she is doing a great job of it.  I suppose this makes it somewhat easier to let go, though that is never the easy part for us mothers is it? Part of me just wants to fight her battles for her but I know the time for that has in general passed and it is her turn to fight them for herself.  Of course I am still here with her and walking this journey but I am slowly learning to hand the reins of control over more and more to her and to step back an watch and support from the sidelines when she comes to me. 

She is facing things now that I can't do for her, fix for her, or even really help her with at all.  I can encourage and support her, let her know I love her no matter what, encourage her and be there to lift her up whenever she needs.  I can not do the things she needs to do, or even understand how she is able to accomplish all she is.  I can not determine her success or failure at tasks she puts so much of herself into.  I can not determine whether it will go well or poorly for her.  I can not make it happen for her as I could in so many areas when she was younger.  I can not protect her from the failures and hurts but I can help her cope with them and get through them.  I can not claim victory for her successes but I can celebrate them with her. 

I can be proud of her and who she has become and is becoming.  I can tell her this and show her love in all her favorite ways and support and encouragement in the ways she needs even if she does not prefer them.  She is growing up and letting go and I am growing and letting go too.  It is both painful and beautiful at the same time. Here is to many more years of growth for us both and may we always be gentle and loving with each other

Kiss those babies!

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