Teaching in Secret

This week Maria pulled a textbook off the shelf in our home library and asked me why she has never had Literature as a subject? She said "I need to have that so why don't you teach me that, other 5 graders have it as a subject, why not me?" It is true I have never taught "literature" as a separate subject. I thought this was ironic coming from a girl who reads non-stop and I continually run out of good reading material for. I responded by asking the following questions.

What is a protagonist?
What is an antagonist?
What is a character foil?
Can you tell me about exposition, rising action, climax, falling action and denouement of a book?
What is theme? Character? Setting?

It was then she realized I have been teaching her this subject just secretly for a long time. She knows how to answer those questions for both books and films. She has to answer these questions regularly this semester especially in her book club that I organize, in her film criticism coop class that I teach and just in regular conversation about books she is reading.


I told her I do teach you this subject I just call it Star Wars or Narnia and you never realized the formal name for what seemed easy to you was actually a subject called literature. I recently taught two classes at our homeschool cooperative - one about The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and the other a film class looking at the films of the Star Wars saga. We used the Freytags pyramid in both these classes often while I never called it that or introduced it as that.



I reminded her that when we go to the library I hand her a selection of books I want her to read before she gets to read one of her choice. We read aloud a book together and talk about what the meaning of certain passages are or we compare one author to another in our regular discussion. All of these things are teaching you literature.

So why did I never introduce it as a separate subject? Why no text? Why no big deal about it? I suppose because it was easier and more fun this way. There was never anything scary about learning or teaching it this way. It was natural and easy and truthfully fun. When we get around to her reading Shakespeare later it will be easy to understand who the protagonist is because she already understands Anakin Skywalker and why he played that role in the Star Wars saga. Charting a book or film using the above triangle will seem easy because she has done it for so long and learned the triangle and terms after she already understood what would go on there just because she understands how a story is written and plays out.

This past year we have been very fortunate to have a great group of her friends who really love reading meeting once a month for a book club. We have been part of book clubs before and none of my kids really enjoyed them because they felt they were more play dates then book discussion. This one is different. These kids can easily talk 45 mins to an hour each time about the book, author, literary terms and all the above mentioned topics and it is not like pulling teeth. Why? They all love to read and they get to pick the books. They all pick big thick and often fairly well written books that are filled with lots of great discussion topics. We tend to spend a lot of time in the fantasy and science fiction genres because they are most interesting to this particular group of kids. It has been a joy.

So yes I often teach in secret and later on my kids realize I was teaching. I prefer to do it this way whenever possible, though it is not often possible I know. Going back to my college studies I always had an affinity for Socrates and his approach of teaching the student by leading them naturally down a road until they realize they already knew something themselves. It seems to hold more weight with a student when they discover something for themselves. So I teach in secret and later will admit I was teaching all along.

When my kids were really little and learning their letters I would play the letter of the week game. Each week we would literally "play" with a letter. I had a cardboard box where we kept new household items each week all starting from just one letter. We would read books all week with topics and names that all started with the same letter. It was fun and it was easy. All through our week we would keep track of all the words around us we could think of that started with the letter of the week. This did a lot of things. It helped teach my kids their letters and sounds but it also built their vocabulary quite a bit and made our reading branch out into a wider variety of areas. I might not have picked up a book on armadillos had it not been a week, and I am not sure we ever would have tried quince if it had not been for Q week. Mostly though it started a habit of teaching my kids without them realizing I was teaching them through having fun together.

I need to get back to doing that more with my younger kids especially. Board games are a great way to teach in secret as are nature walks which we do a lot of. I suppose teaching in secret sounds bad or deceitful which is not my intent. Others will call it using teachable moments. Sometimes though if my kids discover I am trying to do a "Teachable moment" they will shut down where if I can keep it more natural and indiscoverable they seem more receptive. What subjects to you find you often teach in secret on?

"Mom, how do you spell...."

How many times a day do you hear those words? I hear them often. Each time I remind myself I am thankful my children want to spell correctly so they ask. I am thankful that I can answer their questions and help them. Sometimes though I grow weary and want to secretly mumble under my breath or pull my hair out after being asked how to spell every word in a sentence, knowing there are many more sentences to come.

Today I introduced my son to the Rainbow Dictionary and my day became a bit quieter. This is an old school kids dictionary published in the 1940's so it is not up to date. Really though how up to date does the dictionary of my 9 year old need to be? All of my kids have enjoyed this dictionary because it has pictures, not many words but all the ones they seem to need, it is easy to use and understand.

After being asked about 10 words in about as many minutes I showed him the dictionary and taught him how he could use it himself. He actually enjoyed doing it, I think he liked the freedom of being able to find out his answer and not needing to admit he was unsure of how to spell words he was writing in his letter. I still got the occasional follow up question but only about 3 more times through the course of the letter. Then I only had to give him the first 2 or 3 letters of the word and he looked it up and copied it himself.

Ahhhh the joy of a dictionary. Maria at about this age decided she wanted to read that dictionary for fun so she did. That always made me think of the scene in Say Anything where Lloyd flips through her dictionary amazed at how many words she read. I am doubtful Ciaran will make the same choice but I am happy he is excited to use it and was able to learn the skill quickly and now my day is slightly quieter in that one area.

I will still hear "Mom, how....." probably another 20 times today at least but that is what I am here for. I will take joy in the small victory in this one area today.

Thoughts from my deck

It has been a long time since I could blog comfortably from my deck with the sun shining and a comforting breeze blowing my hair, today I can. Perhaps for some blogging outdoors barefoot in high 50's would seem very cold but after a long Minnesota winter it feels positively refreshing.

Clear blue skies, birds chirping, sun gently sharing the last of the days rays with me, seems a calm way to spend the few moments of quiet I can steal for this day. Back to school Monday after a sugar filled and late night birthday while the rest of the neighborhood kids are all running around outside off for their spring break seemed like a recipe for disaster this morning but we muddled through.

The thought of throwing in the towel did cross my mind before we even began the day. The house was a mess from last night, kids public school friends called to see if we could go swimming in the middle of the day and no one wanted to focus on anything remotely educational. It would be easy just take a day off and make it up later, why not?

They why not is because as warm as it is to me right now sunny 75 degree May days are not that far away. Days when my kids really do not want to be indoors working and when it would be nice to follow our tradition of finishing school in the first or second week of May. The freedom of May forces me to look at the reality of where we are in our educational plan for the year and keeps me motivated to work through our neighbors spring break. Besides we essentially took a spring break in Colorado a few weeks ago. Sure we did some school on the road and a touch of it at our families home but not much so onward march forward this morning much to everyone's disappointment.

The day actually turned out to be better than I expected. The kids realized school was going to happen one way or another and decided quickly and painlessly would be preferably to long and dragged out. That is always a positive development when it occurs and one wonders why they do not always realize that. The promise of a history documentary as a reward actually helped smooth things over as well. Yes I did not say the "torture" of a historical dvd. My kids actually really enjoy watching what I call "edutainment" entertainment with some educational value, maybe it is because we so rarely watch TV they are happy to settle for whatever we throw their way :) We watched the beginning of a made for TV miniseries on Marco Polo as we just finished up studying the Khan's and Marco Polo.

The beginning of the DVD was fairly good for a TV history documentary and the kids were very engaged and commenting on what they learned in history and what was being presented. We had to stop watching when it got to the romance portion of the film mostly because it explains things that would be inappropriate for young audiences such as multiple women being brought to the king and crimes committed by the kings armies. Thankfully I realized it was coming and stopped the film before it got to those points. I will continue watching and see if I can resume the film anywhere along the way for them to get any more out of it.

While we were sitting there watching and discussing the film and the girls were knitting and I was folding laundry I thought about what a different sort of education the kids are getting and how thankful I am for the opportunities we have right now in homeschooling them. Even in the little comments like Sirah (age 6) saying "that must be coal" when marco saw the rock that brought fire, or Ciaran (age 9) talking about the caravans on The Silk Road, or Maria (age 10) trying to explain why flashbacks are used in a film or book to make the story more interesting. We kept pausing the film to make comments or have discussions and it just seemed to happen naturally. I love those teachable moments and being able to take advantage of them as they arise and create an environment in which they can easily happen.

Serona and I were recently discussing our long term goals for our kids education. In the long term there are 3 main goals:

1. Research
They need to be able to research and learn anything they want or need to. They need to have the tools and abilities to know how to find the answer to any question they may come up against in life. They need to have excellent critical thinking skills to be able to tell good and bad research apart from each other and understand how to spot biases in positions and be able to synthesize the materials they collect in a logical way.

2. Argument
They need to have the ability to create good arguments and positions. They need to have the abilities and tools to translate their research into well thought out positions and be able to put that all together in an organized fashion. Essentially they need to understand how to take the research, make sense of it as it fits into the world at large and the particular circumstances and then bring it all together.

3. Presentation Skills
They need to be able to present their research and arguments in a variety of written and oral communication styles. They need to understand when and how to present information to different people and how best to express and relate their knowledge. They need to be able to translate and utilize all that knowledge somehow.

There are other things they need to understand and we know a solid education will give them. There are skills they simply need to have during their education, things they have to memorize just because (like multiplication tables) and test taking skills are important as well. In the end though if we can help our children become life long learners with the above skill set I will feel we did a pretty good job overall of educating our children.

Someone told me start with the end in mind and work backwards, those are skills I hope my adult children have in the long run. Those are some of my thoughts from my deck on this sunny day in Minnesota.

Ciaran is 9

Today we celebrate Ciaran and all his energy and enthusiasm for life. He is one of the most affable kids I know. He has never met a person, old or young that he can not talk with. His big broad smile helps charm us all and look the other way when the mischievous side takes over. He is inventive and creative and innovative, always building something or thinking about that next thing he can do. This is an encouraging combination with his mathematical mind, he just naturally picks up math concepts very quickly.

He loves baseball and can't wait for his season to begin soon. Biking, roller blading, skateboarding, anything with wheels or quick moving are favorites of his. Fencing, swimming, rock climbing are some others. Video games are a favorite past time, current favorites are Mario Brothers for Wii and MLB All Stars for Wii. Musically he is learning to play piano at his own pace and keeps eying the guitar to want to try out soon.

I keep telling him to "stay little" because soon he will seem so tall to me and eventually he will tower over me I would guess. The last year of single digits and the start of that transition to a teenager and eventually a young man. Still he is still very much a little boy and will leap in my lap for a snuggle, wrap his arms around me tightly for a hug or stand near me so I can still tousle his hair. I will miss those things and need to spend a lot of this time treasuring them.

Still watching him grow up, develop friendships, mature, and have fun is such a special opportunity. I am so thankful I am home with him and get to spend as much time with him as I do. Even when his energy and his enthusiasm for irritating his sisters gets under my nerves I still love that I am with him all the time. In many ways little seems to change from year to year as you walk the journey with them you see very little change from year to year.

The biggest positive change I can see this year in him is he learned to love reading. The boy who would never read anything unless absolute forced and then only by counting pages and minutes can now be found in his bed in the mornings reading a book or telling me just one more minute while I finish my chapter. Not sure what caused this transition but eventually he found some books he liked and discovered there are other interesting worlds there in those pages. We could barely pull him from the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series and Eragon. Books I never could have imagined him looking at much less reading last year. I still remember taking away all electronics in first grade until he would buckle down to read and thinking we were never going to get out of bob books and primary phonics books. Amazing to think less than two years later he read a 700+ page book! Encouragement for any of you with slower to come around readers.

My heart has such a soft spot for Ciaran and his energy and enthusiasm and the loudness with which he attacks life. I am tired sometimes just being around him and I am always amazed at how he can just keep going and going and never seem to tire. His volume level is loud, louder and loudest. Yet he brings a joy and smile to my face every day. He warms my heart every time he smiles or runs into me with a head butting hug, even though they are starting to hurt from his strength.

Today we take him and his friends to the Mall of America to enjoy the rides and then home for cake, ice cream and hours of playing Wii, a perfect party for him and what he asked for. Much has changed in the past 9 years still I have had glimpses of the boy in front of me since he was about 2 years old when his nature and these traits started to really show through. Amazing.

I love you Ciaran, thanks for being such an amazing little boy and awesome son!
Love
Mommy

The Kids Asked Me to Blog

You know something is off when the kids ask you why you have stopped blogging and would you please start doing it again? I am still trying to understand why my almost 9 yo son decided this was important but I will give it a more faithful go again. I am thinking I need to get back to just shorter regular bursts. It is not that I do not have anything to write about it is often I think it will take too much time and then I never start, you know the Type A part of my personality that many of you can relate to. If anyone even still reads this blog since I have left it fairly defunct over the past year or two.

In honor of spring here in Minnesota I can try for a new beginning again. The snow has melted and my kids can resume being outdoors for more than a half hour at a time. My sanity and peace of mind return around this time of year as well :) All around I think we feel more inspired, like coming back to life after a long rest. In many ways I really feel like winter here is like a hibernation for everyone. We still get out occasionally but something just is off and all of a sudden the switch gets flipped and everyone has energy again and everyone is outside and together again. Neighbors walking dogs or just visiting in the yard together, kids on bikes, baseballs and basketballs flying around the neighborhood, the smell of bonfires in the air. Life going on around me all the time.

Ciaran turns 9 this week. I started this blog when he was 2 years old, how crazy is that? So much has changed in these past 7 years and in other ways things feel the same. I am amazed we still live in Minnesota, a place I never would have picked off the map and knew only was "the hat" on the map when we moved here. We are still homeschooling which I did not know what to expect at all when we started. We are a family that still shares basically the same values though we have grown and matured during these years. Those of you who wondered many years ago if my kids would ever stop nursing or get out of my bed I can honestly say they do eventually and all have, I told you then it would happen before college :) We still read a ton and I still keep lists though I have not published them in a long time. I keep yearly lists now rather than monthly ones. Maybe I can make that a goal to update by the end of the school year as I still get comments requesting I resume that. Last year I thanked our library and told them how much money that had saved us (over $10,000 had we purchased all the books we read there) according to our book recording software.

Of course the kids are older and many of the lessons and field trips are different but some we keep repeating for our youngest or so the older ones can get different things out of them this time around. I sometimes can not believe I have a 5th, 3rd and 1st grader. I am soon coming to the next great transition where I will have 3 independent readers - it will be interesting to see what that brings into our homeschooling journey. I am going to miss Little Bear, Frog and Toad and Dr Suess, dear old friends in our house. I will even miss Telly the teaching time clock that has gotten under my skin many a days as I listen to the clock say way to loudly what the time on the hands is. Still my kids all loved this toy and learned so much from it.

We now run to baseball and swim team practice, meets and games. We fence, ice skate, ski, bike and many other new things we are trying out together as a family. We still love to travel and sometimes will just up and go for a week loving the freedom homeschooling provides us. Somehow I feel busier now than I ever was when I started blogging with kids aged 4, 2 and newborn thinking those days would never end.

Just today reading Farmer Boy out loud looking at my two girls working on the scarfs they are knitting and my son building something elaborate with lincoln logs I thought the more things change the more they stay the same. I still read aloud and they still play or work in the room with me. I still love this time and wish we had more and more of it. I still seem to have lots of library fees no matter my best intentions to keep track of nearly 100 books at a time.

If you are still around and here reading this blog feel free to ask me a question, maybe if I have accountability I will be more consistent. I once offered a Q and A time here of homeschooling questions or questions about our family life. So here we go again. Feel free to leave a question in the comments or send me an email. Please ask something you think might make an interesting blog post and encourage me to write :)

Kiss and Hug your kids and keep on reading to them always!

Blessings,
Tenniel

Just a Normal Mom Who Knits

Today on the way to baseball practice Ciaran (almost 9yo) and I had an interesting discussion about what kind of mom I am. When it comes to baseball it is more a mom thing than a dad thing in our home. I grew up playing softball until I went to college and still played intramural for awhile. I grew up living and watching baseball with my dad for many years. When it comes to understanding technique, terms and playing the game I just know a bit more than Serona. When baseball season hits it is mom that can often be found outside tossing the ball with Ciaran. It is mom that volunteers to help out with the team and actually understands how to keep a book. I enjoy baseball, he enjoys playing it, he enjoys that we play together, it works except sometimes at baseball itself, where I am not dad and that can seem weird.

On the way to a baseball warm up session in the car today I tried to let him know as gently and directly as possible that I could go either way. If he wanted me to volunteer to help out or have a catch with him I would. If he preferred I could just sit on the sideline and knit acting more like a "normal mom". I wanted him to know that it was his choice and I understood that as he has gotten older it has gotten stranger to have a mom involved in those sorts of activities. I don't want to embarrass him or set him apart in any way that made him uncomfortable. I think he appreciated that I was willing to do either and to leave it up to him. In the car we agreed we would play it by ear.

When we arrived it was fairly chaotic and he said to me "I think I am just going to find another kid to warm up with". I set up my chair, got out my knitting and started to watch him from a distance. He practiced hitting at a few stations and then decided it was too chaotic to stay. On the way out he said to me "Next time we come you can have a catch with me and help out." It was just a micro example of the tender dance we are going to walk over the next few years of pulling away and drawing close again. Of him figuring out what is ok for my public role and what is not and of me showing him respect in this area. It was a good start.

I first became aware of this transition this past winter when we signed up for a fencing class together. He decided he wanted to try fencing and it sounded fun to me as well, something I always wanted to try so we both signed up together. At first he was very excited about it and thought it was cool that his mom wanted to take the class with him. The night of the first class came and as we were suiting up for our first practice I could sense his discomfort and just a strangeness coming from him. I leaned over and said to him. "It is ok if you would rather fence with the kids your age or the boys I am fine." He seemed to think it was very weird both to have his parent there and that it was his mom not his dad. It probably did not help him that the instructor said "I have never had a mom take this class, dads before but never a mom" I wondered at that moment if my son wanted to melt into the floor or if he was glad I was the first, mostly I think he did not like the attention either of us was receiving.

He handled that evening very well fencing both with other kids and with me a little bit. He was quiet on the way home and we talked a little about how it felt strange to him that I was the only mom, one of only 2 girls (the other was 9 years old) and one of only two adults (a dad also taking the class). He asked me if I felt weird or strange about it. I told him I was completely comfortable with it and did not mind those things. I asked him if he was uncomfortable with me being there and if he wanted me to stop doing the class I could and just take him. He was quiet for a minute, tentative but said "No you should stay in the class but I may fence more with the other kids if that is ok" It was fine with me and we kept going back together.

By the end of our 8 week class however he was fencing almost all the time with me and at the tournament we were cheering each other on. At the end of the class he said how glad he was that I took it with him and how fun it was that we did it together and that I was a mom willing to do this. Another mom on the sidelines watched me having so much fun with my son that she told me she was going to sign up the next semester. I could tell by the end he was not only glad but a little proud that I took it with him. He would tell his friends or point me out to other fencers as his mom. He asked me if I would keep learning with him.

I know I have just a little time left before I become very uncool and I am trying to enjoy this time but not push anything on him. I am trying to learn to respect his space while still being the mom I really am. That mom does sports with her kids and is not embarrassed to be the mom there when it is mostly dads. I am however trying to be sensitive to his situation and stay out of situations where it really needs to be dad and not mom.

It is not that Serona is not involved, he is very involved in many aspects and majority of the sports the kids do. I could not teach him how to throw a football, skateboard, ice skate, ski, the list goes on and on where dad takes care of all those details. Yet there are a few where I take on a traditional dad role. I have learned though as a mom with a traveling husband that sometimes I just need to step up and help out more where I can even if it is not my "traditional gender role". Up until this year that has really been fine and a non-issue for our family. Sometimes I get looks or comments from other adults and mostly the boys have made positive comments to Ciaran about how it is nice that I am involved but as they get older I know it changes.

So I am trying to learn how to adjust back into the role of a normal mom who knits on the sidelines and leaves it to the guys. I don't think that is a bad thing either. As boys get older I think male role models are very important and the relationship is different between a boy and a man and a boy and a woman. I am trying to let my son lead this transition and be sensitive to his needs and express to him that I am really okay with whatever he needs. At the same time I am trying to reassure him that I am here for him and always willing to have a catch in the yard or a practice round of fencing when he wants.

Also I am thankful for Serona who spent the weekend teaching the kids how to use various power tools in their pine derby car creations. I don't think I could have spent that many hours in the garage patiently overseeing a 6 and 8 year old using a dremel, drill and power sander to turn blocks of wood into masterpiece racers. My kids would truly be at a loss if mom had to figure that one out!

Well it is still winter in Minnesota. Something about snow arriving in October and staying white until April is depressing. It starts to get to me right about now. If I walk outside it still looks like a winter wonderland. The snow is so high I need snow pants to walk across my yard and we are running out of room for places to shovel the snow too. Our mailman recently stopped delivering mail because our mailbox was not cleared out enough. I am ready for it to be done. At least it is warm, only 7 degrees tonight but it will reach nearly 20 tomorrow :)

This is an important time to have friends and to remind each other that yes homeschooling is worth it. Yes you like your life and do love your children and someday we will all be outside again and it will be better. Everyone is cooped up and growing weary of winter. The kids are picking at each other sometimes just for the sheer fun of it. Today while driving around town I seriously thought for a moment about just heading my car south and not stopping until I hit the beach and shoreline, which would take about a solid 24 hours of driving but you start to think that is worth it at some point :) I am still here wrapped in a warm afghan wearing a heavy wool Irish knit sweater unable to sleep.

Still for all my momentary complaints I truly love my life. I love my husband and my children and they love me. Today we brought Serona an orchid for his office and I thought about how blessed I am to have a wonderful husband. The kids and I went to the Mill City museum for just a few hours and I thought about how blessed we are to be able to just pop into a museum for the afternoon any time we want with our memberships and not living too far away. Ciaran had a group of boys over today and as they were having loudest burping contests and trekking wet snow through my house I thought about how blessed we are to have great boys for him to be friends with. Today while listening to Maria complain about doing her logic problems I thought how glad I was to be homeschooling her and have the freedom to add in a subject that she may not get at a traditional school. Tonight while tucking Sirah in listening to all the ways she comes up with to extend her bedtime when I am ready to be done I thought about how glad I am that I am home each night and able to tuck her in and read her a bedtime story. While working on my lesson plan late tonight for the class I teach tomorrow I thought about how much I love our coop and how glad I am that my kids are there and that I have the opportunity to work with some other students as well.

My mind runs from complaints to blessings in the same moments and that is truly what life is made up of challenging moments and the peaks that come along with them. It is easy for me to focus on the challenges in the long Minnesota winter when I am very ready to be done but it is so refreshing to think about all the many positives I have going on in my life right now. I need to keep that perspective right now. I have always been a fairly cynical person. I am not convinced I will ever be optimistic but I am learning to look for the positives that come alongside the challenges.

Today I was drinking a cup of coffee in this mug when I realized how unreasonable that really is for I never fill my coffee cup all the way. In fact today when "full" it was just above the pessimist line of half empty and I got to thinking that it is all about perspective from where you start and where you finish. Then I wondered why sunshine and green grass affect my perspective so differently than cold air and feet of white snow? Bloom where you are planted even if that means you freeze or lie dormant for a few months :) This New Yorker is learning to thrive in Minnesota. This mom is learning how to move from survive to thrive in the winter all while understanding more and more the title of Laura Ingalls Wilder's book "The Long Winter".

Soon I will have mud being trekked through the house, never ending rain and then the heat and bugs of summer. With that comes the beautiful flowers, hours of free time, bike riding, swimming outdoors and long nature walks in the park. So for those of you struggling with homeschooling at this time of year remember soon we will be scrambling to finish all those books. In the meantime I think I am going to read to my kids more, make them hot cocoa and tea, get in some more sledding and spend time in those books while they don't want to be outdoors so we can go outside when the thaw finally arrives.

I will leave you with this thought

Suprising Moments

Sometimes my kids surprise me in the little things they say or do. For example watching the Vikings game as a family last night with some friends and towards the end of the game someone said all the Vikings suddenly found religion and are praying for their game. Sirah (age 6) responded "God does not intervene in sports games" we all kind of looked at each other. Then Serona asked me did she just use the word "intervene" and she has a point. It was one of those random moments I wanted to record for memories. A few minutes later Maria (age 10) said "I am so vexed right now" when a call was made that everyone in our room was complaining about. It was almost surreal to me to hear them talking like that while watching a football game. Here's to good vocabularies and hoping they stick around for years to come. They get that from their dad. My running joke with Serona is "Here is a quarter, can you define that word for me?"

Of course sometimes they surprise me in other ways I would like to forget, like the rounds Ciaran and Maria went today over who owned something. After nonstop choruses of "Mine, no mine" with no other words in between and expecting them to come to blows I decided to step in only to discover they were in heated argument over a 10 inch piece of black yarn. A piece of trash really but they were not relenting. It is moments like that which remind me I do not remember being a child that well to even begin to comprehend why the ownership of a 10 inch piece of black yarn mattered so much. Truly there is nothing special about this yarn and I have entire skeins I could give them in the closet. I was simply at a loss of what to say to them.

Life is made up of these random moments both the wonderful and the mind boggling as well as the exceedingly frustrating and sometimes difficult ones. Someday I will look back and miss these days even the arguing over nothing, okay I will not miss that but I will miss the ordinariness of having my kids around and I am trying to enjoy it now.

Some Beach...Somewhere...

Well it is January in Minnesota and truthfully I should not be complaining as it is in the 30's, a heat wave for us. Of course this means raining sheets of ice on a weekend I have to be in the car travelling places but at least it is not -20 right? We might even see some of our snow melt which is rare, typically any snow we get in November is still there in March along with everything that fell in between as the temperature rarely gets above freezing here. But back to my title what on earth does the beach have to do with freezing weather in Minnesota?

Something happens to me each year and it sneaks up and hits me over the head until I realize what it is and learn to duck, winter homeschooling in Minnesota. By the time mid-January rolls around it has been cold for awhile, the holidays are over and we are trying to focus on school after the holidays and before the beautiful weather wants to bring us outside. We are all together a lot and there are realities that come with that. It feels like we will never be warm and outside again - April or late March look pretty far away right now even though they truly are not.

The kids are at each other and nit-picking to try each other crazy on purpose some days. They don't want to be outside much and who can blame them? Our local pool and gym see us more when I remember - they need to be out exercising even more right now, those are the good days when I remember that. The days we take a field trip or school at the library or even a local coffee shop just for some variety.

Then there are the other days in winter when I crave to be on the beach anywhere. With sun on my face, warmth between my toes and the sound of waves calming my spirit. However what Minnesotans call a beach are completely frozen over. Our lakes are beautiful don't get me wrong and I enjoy them but they will never be the beach. It is funny that I crave the beach so much, maybe it is because I grew up on Long Island and when things were crazy I would go and walk along the beach even in winter and there was always something so calming about it.

Back to reality. I am getting ready to drive our oldest to a swim meet through an ice storm over the course of the next two days. Lovely. But she loves swimming and I can't ask her to find a better lifelong sport to be passionate about and develop her talent in. So while I dream of the ocean I will get my ice scraper out, pack my cooler for the day and head to the warmth of the swimming pool deck.

On teh Road Again

Somehow I thought I was busy when they were young and I never had time to write or do things. I had no idea how much busier it would become as they got older and what a challenge it would be to be "home" in homeschooling. Somedays it feels like we run a taxi service but I don't regret that. I actually am learning to really enjoy the time we are all together in the car and to take to heart Deuteronomy 6:5-9.

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

The time in the car together is a good time to teach and to listen and hear my kids. When we are one on one it is great stolen time that we rarely get and even when we are in a group it is good to talk about subjects or to listen to a good book on tape or yes sometimes do some car schooling.

I go through phases where I think we need to be home more but then I realize most of what we are out running around for is actually part of their educational experiences: piano lessons, art class, gym class, swimming, libraries, museums, sports, field trips and I am thankful to be able to provide those opportunities to the kids and to have the time in between with them to talk about what we are doing or whatever else is on our hearts and minds. Somedays when I am packing everyone into the car for what feels like an endless day of running around I need to remind myself of this and be okay with the fact that our homeschool does not look like traditional school and that is just fine.

Random Moments

As I type this Maria is working on the computer next to me writing a fiction story, Sirah is teaching Kirsten (yes the American girl doll) how to do multiplication and Ciaran is downstairs playing piano. It is a good moment, one of the better ones in a frustrating transition week back into school. I need to remember these moments.

The first day back to school post a month vacation felt like a wash. Expectations were too high, minds and attitudes lacked discipline and it was Serona's birthday. Tempers were short, moods were low and we all survived the day. Slowly we are resuming our routines and finding a winter pace that works for us all.

Today we had grand intentions and woke to a snowy cold day, which for many homeschoolers is a great day to stay home and school. We however needed to drive Serona to work so Maria can make her swim practice before her meet. Traffic was snarled, roads were bad and long story short we arrived home at 11:00am with kids who had not yet eaten anything. Brunch was served with a read aloud from me and we settled into school at 11:45. Some days are like that.

Still I can't help but smile as I watch my 6 year old teaching her doll how to do multiplication (skip counting) and how she asked for Kirsten to have her own school work to do. I wrote an additional 10 math problems which Sirah "taught" Kirsten to do by doing them herself cheerfully. I took a picture to make the moment last longer.

Ciaran went downstairs to play piano and take a break between math and his geography slideshow work. I am excited he is enjoying learning an instrument and he has a wonderful teenage home schooler for a teacher who is just a perfect fit for him. He was also happy for the break from long division :)

Maria has an interesting assignment this month. She has to write NaNoWriMo style for a month. Her assignment is 300 words a day for a month on a story of her choice. She has been working on it for 3 days now and so far it is going well. She even decided to work on it by herself in free time one evening after swimming. We are trying to encourage her writing because she has some natural talent for it but has very little confidence in her abilities. Hopefully this writing every day will help her get through it one way or the other. So far the hardest part for her is my constant reminders that I do not want her editing or using the backspace key.

Some random moments from our day here.

School in December

Through the years we have done different things in December but rarely have we ever kept an entire regular schedule including all of our formal subjects. This year we are keeping several "core" subjects for daily school while adding in lots of holiday extras. Each day they must do math, spelling, writing, reading and their instrument practice. We are studying Christmas around the world together for geography and a little bit of history thrown in there as well through the Christmas studies. We increase our art and music time as well as we work on Christmas gifts and listen to Christmas carols.

Last year I made a caroling book of about 30 favorite Christmas songs and made photocopies of them for each of us to have. This year I went to Amazon.com and downloaded my favorite version of each song and made 2 cd's of the songs in the order of the carol book so now we can learn all the song lyrics and sing them in the proper tune :) So far this is a big hit with the kids and an easy way to incorporate music naturally into our month.

Christmas gifts offer us a time to be creative and just have some fun while we prepare gifts with love for family and friends. It also gives my kids a time to go through all their toys and belongings and decide what they are ready to pass on to others. We often listen to Christmas music while we do this. In addition we will soon begin the baking proccess and our service projects for the month. December is a great time to remind your family to give to others and serve from their abilities. Having more time for that this month is important to us and worth putting science off for a little longer.

We spend more time doing things together as a family as well. Visiting museums, seeing plays, taking walks around the mall, service projects. It is nice to just be together as a family. We do a bit more reading and sharing what we are thankful for. Also we have been trying to play a board game each day, either all together or just certain members of the family but trying to spend time together on our relationships, especially sibling to sibling relationships right now. These things offer learning unique learning environments in their own way.

One of my favorite parts of this season is how we celebrate Advent together. Each evening before bed we gather on the couches in our living room with only the Christmas tree and a small reading lamp lit and we read our Advent book. This year we are reading Jotham's Journey by Arnold Ytreeide. Fabulous book and series, can't recommend them enough for your whole family (though there are some scary parts for younger ones - it is possible to edit as you read aloud though). We light one candle for each week of advent. Some years we have had an advent wreath, this year we are just using 4 candles we have on hand. We read one chapter a night and then discuss. After our discussion we sing a Christmas carol or two around the tree and then say bedtime prayers together as a family. It really is a special time together and a great way to show our kids what we value and prioritize during this season. It also gives us a time to slow down and come together quietly as a family and it does feel like a special quiet set aside time of closeness that we don't get all the time in our busyness.

Each year I do my best to have majority of our Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving so that we can just enjoy the holiday season and not lose our focus. I have found that to being an important part of our Advent season. This year we have an extra treat that Serona will be staying home for a 2 week staycation this year in the middle of December which gives us more time all together.

Whatever your family traditions, old or new, enjoy this season and may it be a peaceful and joy-filled one for your family. A time to reflect and give generously out of the abundance of all you have been blessed with as a family. A time to be truly thankful and to instill these values in your kids and build family traditions focused on the important things of the Christmas season and Advent so they in turn can pass it on to the generations that follow.

Merry Christmas and God bless!

Creative Gift Giving

Well the gift giving season is fast approaching. Many of us will be trying to think of Christmas gift ideas. Through the years I have kept a list of some of the non-traditional kinds of gifts that my kids have loved receiving and we have enjoyed giving to our kids and other kids in our lives.

I thought I would take this opportunity to inject some more unusual gift ideas that our children have enjoyed over the years in case you are looking for some inspiration for your own children or the children in your life. These are some tried and true gifts that my kids or other kids we give gifts to have received and loved. Feel free to add more ideas in the comments.

Memberships: Family memberships make wonderful gifts that keep on giving through the year. Museums, zoos, art centers, amusement parks, arboretums, historical sites, etc almost all have family membership plans for anywhere from 40-100 for a year. If you are planning on spending 20 per person on a gift a membership might even be cheaper and gives the family the ability to enjoy your gift throughout the year and provide unique and fun experiences. My kids have found that because we have memberships mom and dad might actually purchase ice cream or lunch there because we did not just spend 100 to get in the door. It also encourages us to go more than we might have. Our memberships have been treasured and well used on the years we have received them. Some of our favorites have been the history center, arboretum, science museum, children's museum, aquarium and zoos.

Theater Tickets : We have purchased or had purchased for us nice seats to a great play in our area. Other years we have purchased tickets to several smaller shows. If you live near a big city. Dinner and a movie downtown for a family is a very special gift.

Inscribed BookEach year for birthday and christmas we give each child a special storybook we pick for them and write an inscription in it. the kids love and treasure these. A very simple and wonderful tradition.

Classes or Lessons This has been one of our kids favorite things to get from their grandparents. It helps it feel more special when it comes from grandparents. Maria is finishing up horseback riding lessons that she got for her birthday from us and her grandparents. In the past they have received ice skating and dance lessons as well. If you really want them to open something purchase the uniform/supply like helmet, skates, etc or a book with an inscription from you letting them know of the gift of lessons. This is especially appreciated in families where the child might not be granted the chance to do it for financial reasons.

Books on cdRead aloud a story or chapter book and record yourself doing it. For young children ring a bell as you turn pages so they know to turn pages. Then send the cd and book together. What a gift for the child to have a special person grandparent, parent, aunt, uncles, etc voice reading them their favorite stories.

Field Guides: My kids love these books. We use them all the time through school, nature walks and yes even just to read them. Sirah loves the bird book and Ciaran the amphibians book, Maria her minerals, rocks and gems. They will often pick them up just to look at the pictures. I really like the regional specific guides by Stan Tekeila. They are small, easy to transport, colorful, very easy to use and inexpensive. We have also purchased the bird identifier and the book that lets you hear each animals call along with their picture. Always a hit!

Binoculars, Compasses, Telescopes: These are both tools to use and fun to use. The kids enjoyed receiving them and being able to use them. they go hand and hand with the field guides. Alone both are great, together even better. This year a high grade microscope is in the coming. Also those little science kits sold at Michaels and Target (making your own crystals, volcanoes, candy, etc).

Magazine Subscriptions: Kids LOVE getting mail. A magazine subscription is a fun way for them to get mail that interests them throughout the year and it feels special to them and they enjoy them because they are specific to their age. Some of our recent favorites are Ranger Rick, Highlights, Boys Life and Horse. For an adult Serona really enjoys First Things and I receive and archaeology magazine I enjoy.

Collectors ItemsAlong with a field guide we bought Maria a bead container, think tupperware with lots of compartments. She put all her favorite rocks in their and started her own rock collection. We found this in the craft store. I know another parents who uses ball jars with labels to contain collections. One of our daughters has started an American girl doll collection and our son has quite a frog collection.

Family Fun Jar This costs you little to no money but some creative energy and time. Use a jar or vase you have around or buy a pretty one. Then fill it with slips of paper that have fun ideas you can do together as a family or individuals. Some people call it the I'm bored jar. Pull something out and do it together. Great idea to give a family with young preschoolers.

Art Supplies My kids walk through Michaels and ask for everything and have enjoyed receiving paints, colored pencils, clay, play dough, beads, etc through the years. They keep using those throughout the year and it is a perfect opportunity for them to receive a few of the special higher grade items. One favorite was when my 4 year old received her very own watercolor pad and special watercolor paints that no one else was allowed to use. She felt special having that and it encouraged her in her art.

Hobby Supplies It need not be just art receiving baseball equipment, swimming or horseback riding items and other hobby interests have also been favorites. One family we know purchased a baseball camp with a professional ball player as their sons Christmas present, he was still talking about it in June when he was playing 2 years later!

Personalized Stationary and other items Receiving something with their name on it is very special. Towels, mugs, stationary and other items have been received through the years and loved them. There is also no doubt about whose items are whose.

Oatmeal/Rice Box You might want to clear this with the parents first as it can be messy but it is self contained and easy to clean up and all our young children loved it. Purchase a shallow rubbermaid tub with a top that snaps on. You probably have some in your garage or storage unit collecting dust. Wash it and then fill it with either oatmeal or rice. Then throw in some measuring cups, sifters, sand toys, small trinkets, treasures little animals. Anything a child can do with oatmeal or rice, hide and move things. It all stays in the tub and cleans up easily with a broom or vaccuum if it spills.

Play Silks If you are a seamstress these are easy to make. If you aren't they are easy to buy. a good one will cost you between 8-12 per color. THEY ARE WORTH IT. The key is using actual silk and making them big enough. It moves different and kids love it. My kids have about a dozen and along with our blocks have been one of our most used and loved toys. They use them for costumes, for dancing, for blankets, picnics, tents, forts, I can't even come up with all the creative ways they have been used. We have had a dozen or so colors for about 7 years now, they are very well loved and have definitely gotten their use!

Candy, slinkies, nail polish, lip gloss and yoyos Yes those sound cheap but they are always very excited for these little things. They are small and easy to ship in an envelope and kids from 3-8 love them. Think about it these are the little things they buy themselves. How much bubble tape can a child want in their life?

Outdoor ToysOkay so most of us are not thinking about the sun and being outside in Minnesota Christmas but they enjoy getting them and then use them indoors when they can and as soon as they can get outside they are excited again and it is new twice.

Make a mini-gym Last year we hung a punching bag in our family room for Ciaran and another year he got a mini-trampoline. That is a gift that keeps on giving all year. One you find rewards from if you are blessed with a child who needs to release energy.

Christmas ornamentIn our family each year each child receives their own ornament - then when they move out on their own they can have all their ornaments and have a good start to their own tree.

Handmade GiftsI find my kids do love a special handknit hat, scarf or sweater especially if it is in their favorite colors or something bright.

Blocks, Legos, Knex, Lincoln LogsAll loved all used for many many years and will be saved and passed on. Also great gift for a family as you can purchase a bigger set for all of them together.

Board GamesWe are a board game family. There are never enough and they are always creating new ones not to mention all the classics. Puzzles are also a favorite.


Well their you go some traditional and some non-traditional ideas. Happy
shopping. And remember it is not always about having something big to open under the tree. Sometimes those unsual gifts get treasured long after a plastic toy has been broken and you don't need to find a place to store them :)

To all the wives of travelling husbands

You know who you are eating Cheerios or frozen waffles for dinner with the kids while your spouse is tasting expensive wines at a wonderful restaurant halfway around the country or sometimes the world. You smile and remind the kids "its just another 10 days till daddy gets home", or "this trip was shorter than the last" or whatever variation gets your kids through another stretch of their father's travel.

I just want to remind you that you are not alone, there are a lot of us out there. Other moms struggling to juggle the schedules, balance the kids needs and our own emotions, support our spouses from hundreds or thousands of miles away and who have suddenly developed a deeper appreciation than most for military wives and single moms. I also want to remind you it is not all that bad and there are many benefits that come from this lifestyle you are living right now, even if you can not see the forest while standing amongst the ominous trees.

We have lived this "road warrior" lifestyle in our family for the better part of the last 6 years. Some years or months have been better others feel like they are never going to end. This has been something I never really choose to blog about for fear I will have nothing positive to say. Still looking back on my blog I realize this part of our lives is very obviously missing from here and it is a big part of our lives. This season of our lives may be nearing an end and in reflection of these years I believe we have learned some things along the way that now make a post worthwhile.

We first moved to Minnesota so we would not have to deal with travel in our family and that worked for the first few years of Serona's career. It became quickly apparent to us that travel was going to need to be a central part of his career for awhile and we had some decisions to make, we went ahead and learned how to cope with the travel as a family. There were years he traveled as much as 75% of the time, being gone far more days per month than he was home. Other seasons the travel would slow to a trickle just a few short trips per month. Still our trickle would be considered a lot of travel for many other families. He has been platinum elite (highest level) in airfare miles and hotel loyalty points for awhile now.

At first I was pretty whiny about all the travel he did, I had a 4, 2 year old and newborn at home when we began and I had to learn how to manage everything on my own while feeling like my life was unfair. This phase was not a positive one for us and it took some time for me to realize that his travel was a necessary part of the lifestyle we had chosen (one income with a full SAHM parent yet two student loans and a mortgage to repay). I also had to come to understand that travel was not all rosy and happy for him, he missed us and would much rather be at home eating spaghetti again than traveling yet again even if he got nice meals and stays in exotic locations out of the deal.

Somewhere in our journey I came to a few realizations and lifestyle changes that made the "road warrior" life a lot easier and happier for all of us. These are in no particular order of importance just order they came to my mind tonight.

1. Life must stay consistent when he is here and when he is not for our family. When he first started traveling I found myself following advice to let everything go and almost live two different lives and routines. It started to feel like life with daddy and life without daddy for my kids and that was not a positive thing. Especially because some of my coping mechanisms meant we had fun and easy dinners, more screen time and sleepovers in moms room, which all in the immediate seem more fun to kids. In addition we were continually slipping in and out of different lifestyles and always adjusting expectations, it became confusing and frustrating for all of us. While the advice had been encouraging and supportive in nature trying to help me through a tough time I had to realize that works for the occasional travel situation but not for the consistent pattern of travel we would be living. Once I started keeping life more consistent across all situations we started to thrive and the transitions were more seamless. We still do have breakfast for dinner and let the cleaning go a little more, and may have a more flexible schedule as needed but these are the exceptions now not the general rule, just as they may be in a particularly crazy week while he is home. I find consistency is best for all of us and keeps us a family even when we are apart.

2. When he is home we are together and everything else can wait. I once read that Ruth Graham's friends called Billy "the plague" because when he was home it was as if everything stopped and went on hold and her and the family disappeared from the world for awhile. This is similar to how we are, especially during the busy travel seasons. Everything and everyone else can wait and we need to prioritize our family time and our couple time so we can fill up before the next time apart. This sometimes causes difficulties with other friends or family members as they may feel it is unfair or you come to them when he is away but not there for them when he is home. It is a delicate balance as I still need to be a good friend and I will be if needed but my good friends also understand our need to be together as a family and how fleeting those moments can sometimes be for us. I used to think when he came home it was "me time" or "I need a break" and when the kids were younger that was true I did need to get away or have some recharge time and he needed to help with the kids more. Yet as they have gotten older I have learned what we really need is time together. Even if it is just making pasta and watching movies all day long or playing a board game together or even just all being in the same room reading. My kids have learned their schedules are clear when dad is home and we really try to have a lot of family time then. Their friends will still be there next week when their dad is off to another location. Whenever possible spend time together as a family and have dates when he is home.

3. Eat out while he is away. When he first traveled I would never do this, who wants to take kids out to a restaurant alone and it can seem extravagant, especially if you don't often eat out as a family. I struggled and thought I should save those times for when we can do it all together as a family. Then I realized he never wants to eat out when he is home. Of course he doesn't he has just been eating at restaurants for the last x amount of days or weeks and just wants his favorite meals home cooked at in the peace and comfort of our home. If you have ever traveled for awhile you know the joy and mystery and fun of eating out wears off fairly quickly and you can't wait to get home to eat your favorite foods. This seems even more so when you are vegetarian and your food options are often very limited in parts of the world. Then I want to go out when he is home because I have been having very non exciting food while he is away and hearing/seeing all the wonderful things he has been eating. Not a good mix. So I started eating out with the kids while he travels. Gives me a break from meal prep and fills my desire to get out and have something different and then I am happy to eat at home too when he returns. We don't do this every time and some trips we will do it more often than others but it is a fairly consistent thing for us that I have found helps all of us.

4. Be supportive and not jealous. Serona does a lot of world traveling and those trips can sometimes be long. Yet whenever possible I encourage him to stay a few extra days even though it makes it longer on all of us. Why would I do this? Because if he has flown halfway around the world I think he should take a day or two to experience the culture, recover from jetlag and yes have fun and sight see. Overseas trips often include weekends and I often encourage him to stay through an extra weekend or go a bit early so he can have more time in the country to enjoy and experience it. Really when is he ever going to have a chance to walk the Great Wall of China, dip his feet in the Indian ocean or walk the streets of London again? Sure I wish I was there with him but I have learned not to begrudge him or be jealous of what he has but rather to encourage and support him and let him experience and enjoy it. He returns more refreshed to us and has so much to share with all of us about his experiences. My kids are getting a unique view of the world through their father's eyes so I am glad he does more than just see the airport, hotel and the office. Yet I know in a heartbeat he would do just that to shorten his trips to get back to us sooner if I wanted or needed that. So I try to encourage him and really mean it and be thankful that he gets to enjoy the things that he does, this has made a big difference for him and for us.

5. Weekend Travel is the hardest, guard them whenever possible. With the exception of international travel as outlined above we try very hard to have him home on weekends. International trips I always know weekends are part of the deal and often encourage him to take extra weekend days for the reasons I listed above. However regular travel here in the US for business we protect our weekends pretty fiercely. Clients often want him to start Monday morning and fly out Sunday, then fly back late friday. While this may be okay (still not ideal) once in awhile it quickly adds up and takes its toll when you travel more than once a month. Serona learned to schedule business meetings on Tues- Thursday so Monday and Friday were his travel dates. If they insisted on Monday then he insisted on a later start time so he could take a 6am flight on Monday morning and wrapping up friday meetings early in the day so he could make a 6pm flight home. This has made a substantial difference for us as we miss him more on weekends as he is usually here and a big part of our lives during the weekend. Also he needs rest time between trips as do we and we can only give the company so much "free time" and Serona has worked hard to hold the no travel on weekends lines whenever possible.

6. Open Communication is essential. We communicate daily often throughout the day. We may do it with phone calls, text messages, emails or instant message but we try to make it a priority for him to communicate with the kids each day atleast once briefly and us as a couple more extensively. We try to continue our regular family business discussions while he is away so they don't pile up and became all we do when he is home. We also still make decisions together whenever possible even when we are apart. We keep up with each other and know the schedules for the day, and how we can best reach one another. Even when he is 17 hours off from us we still make communication a priority, sometimes that means one of us has to stay up very late or get up really early but we still make it happen. We also have an emergency signal that indicates no matter what you are doing you must stop and pick up the phone or call me back now. This was established after he was traveling on 9/11 and not answering his phone because he was unaware of what was going on. Another time he was in China when a bridge collapsed here in MN and he could not get in touch with us for a few hours and was very worried. Still being accessible and there for each other despite the travel is essential and for my kids it keeps them connected with their dad and confident he is still an important part of their lives and they of his even when he is around the world.

7. Take me time while he is away. I have learned to use babysitters while he is away. At first this was hard to justify financially and I would feel I should "save" them for when he was here and the time we would need together. I have learned for all of our benefit I need to get out when he is traveling extensively even if it is to do the grocery shopping alone. Besides babysitters I will go to our gym and to other activities where I can have some built in me time while the kids are otherwise entertained and cared for. I also allow them to have more independent time or friend time and give me more break time or alone time. In addition one of my favorite things to do is to have my friends come visit me in the evenings at my house. Now that my kids are older I find this works well I can put them to bed or set them up with a movie or game they can play alone and then have alone adult time with a friend. Most of my friends are willing to come here and I try to have nice food and drink options for them here so it is still "getting out for them" and try my best to have very limited to no kid interruptions. Sometimes I will get a babysitter and go out with a girlfriend while he is away as well. I find taking care of me while he is gone helps me be a good mom while I am alone and keeps me calmer and saner. In addition I am more ready to be a good wife and not want to escape and be alone as soon as he comes home. One thing I had to admit to myself (and it was not pleasant) was in the early days I often looked to him upon arrival home from a business trip as "good now you are home and I can be free" here are the kids, chores, and everything else I am going out for some well deserved me time. Somehow I forgot he was just working the whole time and had very little him time either and he is especially looking forward to some us time both as a couple and as a family after being so lonely. One day I realized he has not touched a single person other than the occasional handshake for a long time. On the other hand I am often touched out by my more than usual needy touchy kids, it was like having infants and toddlers all over again.

8. My kids are good kids and they get stressed and act out when he travels. In general our kids are good kids they really are and sometimes I need to work hard at reminding myself that during a long travel stint. All of a sudden we wake up and no one gets along anymore, everyone is picky and prodding and poking each other, arguing over nothing and just plain irritating one another. It typically happens after about 5-7 days after their dad is gone with fairly regular consistency. I never realize it right away and I may lose my temper or my mind wondering what in the world is going on today. Then I have my "well duh" moment and I can find my sympathy again and give my kids the extra attention they need. Sometimes it needs to be one on one with me, sometimes we can do something as a family, sometimes I can get them a playdate with a good friend. Sometimes we just need a change of scenery. This is usually a good moment to go out to dinner as a family and have a movie night sleepover downstairs. Recognizing what is going on helps tremendously and usually that is enough to get us through. We also talk openly about how they are feeling and I let them express frustration, disappointment, hurt etc all while reminding them how much dad loves them and that it is because of this that I am able to stay home with them full time, etc. Honest emotions and taking the kids seriously and letting them feel what they feel and be who they are openly has helped a lot. Then we can start from there and generally come to a better place for them and us as a family.

9. Roles and responsibilities change from season to season and you have to adapt. Things my husband typically does I have to do. More than once I forget to take the trash down to the curb on the right night, my dog has gone a night without food and we have had too long of grass. Occasionally that is okay to forget or decide not to do but other times you just have to do it. You take on his roles while he travels and yes sometimes he takes on your roles when he returns. More than once he has helped me plow through undone laundry, clean the house or get school stuff ready for the next week when he gets home. We have learned to just accept this as part of our life now and not judge or begrudge the other person for what they can or can't get done. I also try to limit my "request" for when he is home to what I really need done or can't do myself and we learn to let certain things slide during certain seasons. My kids also do more than many of their peers in areas like household chores, yard work and things like shoveling. We are a team and we need to work together and when one person can't be there the others pick up the slack. We have learned to do this with love and support rather than judgment and grudges.

10. I am my kids rock they cling to in the storm. God is our families rock and my kids understand that and we pray and are people of faith and I am not taking that role from God. Yet in their every day tangible physical world I am that physical dependable force for them. They know I am there for them and they can count on me. This helps them get through the difficulties of his travel and it is an important role that I can not slack on even if I feel like it. I have to constantly remember that I am the steady in their lives and they need to have something like that. There are days I just want to cocoon and be alone and this is not really an option for me. I can have cocooning moments but I need to be there for my kids especially during their time of need. I need to remind myself of this and remind myself that it is a good thing and I am thankful for being able to be there for them. It sounds like it is not a big deal but I have learned maintaining this mentality when he travels (and when he doesn't) has been important and helpful to us all.

11. Your life looks different and is misunderstood from those who have no experience with this and that is ok. I have lost relationships over the lifestyle choices we make to survive and thrive as a road warrior family. Friends who think I am unreasonable to change plans or constantly put my families needs above my friends desires (note I did not say friends needs). People who think I am weak or not doing enough for me. People who think we made this bed and we need to lie in it and not complain or affect those around us, namely them. I used to get upset but I have learned to just let these people walk out of my life and not feel badly about it anymore. They just really do not understand where we are coming from, our motivations, the dynamics of our family and are unwilling to understand or accept that so we are better off to let it go. Also I have learned that unless you have lived this sort of a lifestyle you can not fully understand the challenges and emotions associated with it. Sometimes I feel like I still am whiny or complaining and other times I get stoic. My good friends have learned to get more concerned when I am stoic, quiet and dropping off their radar while he is traveling. It is hard to understand why we would choose this or need to be in this position and how we can manage it but I have found good friends who support and love me through it whether they have experienced it or not.

12. My friends are my support and I need to ask for and accept help. I am blessed with some really good friends and I have learned that sometimes I have to admit weakness or need and ask for help and I have also learned to always say yes when people offer help. This used to be hard for me until I had to live with the chronic pain then it became easier and at some points essential. I have learned to say yes when someone asks can I pick you up something from the store or take your kids for a few hours or run a carpool for you. I have also learned that I need to reach out and ask for help sometimes. This past trip I called a friend and said I just need you to come sit with me and listen to me work through some emotional crap I am struggling with. She came and I was a completely different person when she left a few hours later. Most often what I need is adult conversation with another adult when he travels and my friends are willing to provide that whether by phone, instant message or coming over to visit for a bit.

13. Music helps me. I have learned to keep positive music on nearly the entire time he travels. We often leave the local praise music station playing on the radio 24/7 so there is always a positive message filling the rooms of our homes and reaching our ears and hearts when we need to hear it. I will also put on some favorite music to motivate me to clean the house, or to just relax to.

14. Small kindnesses can make my day and others too. Serona's parents recently sent me flowers while he was away, made my day. Another friend called just to see how I was doing, made my day. Another friend came over to sit with me while I folded laundry, made my day. The list goes on and on, small favors go a long way, from others to me and from me to my kids. Remembering to be extra gentle with a child, read them a story, cuddle with them or give them a massage all those things help them and take so little of my time and energy. We all need to remember to share the small and easy kindnesses with those around us who are hurting or in need and yes even with those who seem just fine.

15. It is what it is and wallowing is counter productive. I need to not wallow or compare myself to those around me. I have also learned to stop letting the "oh that must be so hard" or "I could never do that" or "I don't know how you do it" well intentioned commments get to me. I can't let them get me depressed or prideful and arrogant. Our life situation is what it is. Wallowing and being miserable doesn't help. Comparing myself to other traveling families doesn't help. Seeing who has it worse or better doesn't help. Being supportive and supported is what helps. Acceptance is what helps. Doing what you can to make it through each day, each trip, each time home is what helps.

16. Transitions are hard so work hard to make them smoother. It is hard to go in and out of traveling. Some of our hardest seasons are when he travels then is home for a few days then travels again, repeat. The constant coming and going is hard. Roles and responsibilities questions arise and tensions increase. Everyone is emotional and expectations are all different. These are some of the most challenging times. They are also some of the most important to get along and have things run smoothly. Do whatever you need to in order to make those transitions smooth. Have the house clean, have meals planned or prepped ahead, have the dry cleaning and packing done, plan to take a day off school or sports or life. Talk about expectations ahead of time and prepare everyone for what it will be like. Love each other through the transitions.

17. Love and grace wash over a multitude of flaws and failings. We all fall down and fail. We get short tempered, we don't hold up our end, we get jealous or frustrated. We mess up and make things worse for those around us. Having extra doses of grace and love seem to really be the answer to help see us through. Remember you are all sensitive and needy right now and remember to give each other the benefit of the doubt and the grace and love you would want and you should give your family members and the friends and networks around you.

18. Thank your spouse for all they do. Thankfulness and appreciation go a long way as well. I will often thank Serona for what he is doing for our family even while I am in the throws of dealing with the hard parts at home while he is away. Thanking him for the life he is providing us, the sacrafices he is making and the love he is showing us. Reminding him how much I appreciate all he does. He does the same for me. Often our time apart makes us appreciate and thank one another even more as all we do for each other becomes more apparent. Always be thankful and vocal in your appreciation.

19. Realize and take advantage of the benefits. We have taken some great family and couple vacations thanks to all the miles we have piled up in frequent flyer points and hotel loyalty points. We have gone to Ireland, Hawaii, California, New York, and Florida for a very discounted rate and stayed in first class accommodations the entire time. This is a direct benefit of all the travel my husband does. In addition we have special gifts from around the world, our Christmas tree is filled with ornaments from countries around the world that he picked up in his travel. We have kimonos from Japan, jade from the Orient, a winnie the pooh from London, a didgeridoo from Australia and the list goes on. These are blessings and gifts that few people get to experience in their lives and they are a direct result of all the work we do as a family.

20. Everything has a season and it will pass and change. 6 years seems like a long season, but still it is a season and one that appears to be coming to a close for us for the time being. Even during that 6 year season there were seasons within seasons. Times he would be home for 6 weeks straight and then travel for 6 weeks with just a few days home in the middle. Other times the travel was constant or non existent. You learn to look at your situation with some distance with the end in mind realizing it will not always be like this and you can and will make it through. This can help you in the day to day as well as in your overall outlook.

Any readers out there who deal with these issues feel free to add the tips and suggestions you have found useful in the comments. We can all learn from each other and help support each other in our journeys. If you are entering this phase of your life for the first time or you have been living it for 20 years know you are not alone and be encouraged and supported by each other.

Snowy School Days

October 12th is too soon for snow. The trees have not started dropping their leaves, they are just changing color, but the weather did not care about that. 4 inches of snow fell today and it was the perfect snowman building snow. So that is what we did, we built snowman at a local park. We went for a hike in the snow, walked out on a dock at the lake

Finding Routine

I hate schedules and I always have but I am learning I need to follow one in order for us to be successful this year. My kids like schedules, they like knowing what's coming next and being able to set their expectations and when I look at it that way so do I.

We have been playing around with schedules this year to try to find one that works for us, however I have realized any schedule must be fluid as we really live fluid lives where things change often. One of the reasons for that is we are a one car family and some days we may not plan to have the car and realize we need it and need to change or adapt plans as when we want the car we need to drive Serona to work.

So how do we have a fluid routine? I have set the goal this year of being sitting down at the table at 9:30am and working until around noon before lunch. That happened one day this week, the other days we started at 10, 10:30, 11am and one day after lunch, so much for the first week of a schedule. The goal was to have a solid 2-3 hours of uninterrupted work time, then lunch, then finish up whatever work was not done before we have to get to evening activities and get dinner on the table. That goal we met though we never started at the same time each day.

The printed work assignments helped my kids have some structure to hold on to even when it seemed we were not following what we said we were going to. The accomplished everything on their assignment sheet this week except our science experiments because our kit never came. Most days they were close to following their schedule but on Thursday I added in a several hour video and discussion time about consumerism and advertising and how advertisers are gong after kids and what strategies they need to fight back. It was a great afternoon and I am glad we added it in but it basically became school all day Thursday.

I was thankful we use a 4 day schedule because that allowed for me to add in the extra advertising afternoon with no fear of falling behind since I knew we could make up the rest of Thursday's work on Friday which we did. I also made the choice this week to not to a field trip even though we have been doing one a week each week in September, we needed the time to get into routine instead. Also looking ahead to realize that next week we have a field trip, homeschool cooperative, and a swim meet, which typically means 4 practices during the week and then the meet on the weekend.

One of the flexibilities I love of homeschooling is being able to modify our school schedule as needed for my kids based on what is going on in their lives. Next week will be a busy week for my 10yo and so I can lighten her load a little by making this week and the week following a bit heavier. In the end the same amount of work will get done over 3 weeks as if I had not lightened her load but this way her swim meet week can be lighter on school so I can counterbalance some of the stress going on due to sports and free her up to focus on both.

That doesn't mean I place sports above school. She knows if she falls behind in school she will lose swim practice or even a meet and I still keep her doing school because that is the priority. However, she is an excellent student who can handle a busier week and appreciates a lighter week when other life responsibilities are bigger. I figure that is how smart adults manage their time, how good college students plan ahead and these are good habits and strategies to build in from a young age. So I am thankful that when someone is sick, has a big sports event, or just needs a rest that we can be flexible and take some of the school pressure off and then make up for it at a later time.

One of the things about homeschooling in our family that I have learned is September is not the most productive month overall. We typically start later and take more days off because the weather is beautiful here in Minnesota so we get outside more and the world is quiet as everyone else has gone back to school, it is some of our favorite homeschooling times. Sure we start all our textbooks and assignments, but we are also starting sports, fall activities, homeschool coop and the like so I find we ease into school, reviewing and building routines, habits and getting interested in the topics at hand, while also enjoying the last nice days for what will be awhile.

Yet January through March we are far more productive than many others, sometimes I think we get more than half our school work done in just those three months. January and February are pretty miserable in Minnesota, the weatherman always uses a positive or negative on the weather report, because we are just as often negative as positive, with stunning windchills and it is typically not even that fun to be outside in the snow/ice when it is that cold. There is little going on or planned because it snows often or you could have windchill warnings so I find we often make spontaneous field trips decisions rather than planned ones, because truthfully there are somedays we never really want to leave the house. This is a perfect time for our family to get a lot of school done and not drive anywhere.

There are subjects we do everyday: math, reading and writing. This is typical year round but we may cover half of our science, history and geography books during the cold months in comparison with the easing in of a chapter a week we are doing now. My daughters dream of a minute by minute schedule is not going to work in our lives but she too is coming to understand the beauty of a flexible schedule and I am coming to appreciate the need for more structure to meet her needs, we seem to be meeting somewhere in the middle and for now that is good.

5th Grade Schedule

I just finished up our template schedules for the year. Each year I plan out the weeks for the kids the Saturday or Sunday before the school week. I grid it out in a simple table with the subjects and days of the week. In each cell I write the assignment for the day. The kids receive the schedule on Monday morning and can plan out their week accordingly. Once I have the template and first week assignment done, it is easy for me to modify each week. I save each week under a different filename (typically the Monday date) and at the end of the year we have a complete record of the work they did, it is pretty handy for record keeping.

My kids like this system because it gives them some control and a visual depiction of where they are in their school week. I also add in sports, field trips and outside activities so they can plan accordingly. The younger ones like to color in the boxes they finish and I always let them work ahead if they want but not fall behind more than one subject per day (and it must come out even at the end of the week) I can easily check their schedules when they request play dates or special privelages and see where they are at.

This year I am adding in an extra step, I am going to place a check in the box after I have reviewed the work to try to keep my accountable and so I don't fall behind in checking their assignments either. It is very easy to do and I find my kids appreciate it and school runs smoother when we have it.

This is Maria's schedule for 5th grade. It looks neater in the actual format, with pretty boxes etc. I abbreviate the different textbooks and include page numbers or lesson numbers where needed. Also we typically work on a 4 day work week and leave friday for activities, field trips, coop and any leftover work they have not finished.

SUBJECT Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
Bible devotional memory devotional memory coop
PE swim circuit jogging walking swim
Math lesson 7 lesson 8 lesson 9 review 1 lesson 10
Writing lesson 2 letter to family
Grammar lesson 14 lesson 15
Spelling 15 mins 15 mins
Science weather experiments
History lesson 46 lesson 46
Geography continents review mapping
Art art class picture study
Music mozart guitar guitar lesson guitar guitar
Foreign Language french latin
Blogging 3 posts this week
Logic lesson 2
Handiwork
Literature door in the wall
Activities swim swim church beekeeping field trip swim

That gives you a basic feel for a week of her schedule. Ciaran has a similar schedule with a few less subjects and some topics we only do once a week for him. In general all the kids do PE, math, reading, handwriting, and language arts every day and alternate all the rest of the subjects through the week.

First week of school and 9-11

On Tuesday we watched the buses go by starting at 7am and continuing until around 8:45am. We were in bed for the first bunch and in our pjs through the rest of them. It was a beautiful day so we decided to take a walk at the local arboretum. We brought along some books and I took some great first day of school pictures of my kids doing school up in a tree literally. They climbed their favorite trees and I handed them their math workbooks where they did one lesson and then went back to running around. A bit later we sat in the shade under some canopy trees and read for about a half hour until the bugs started to get annoying. That was enough school to call it our first day back to school right?

The next two days were also beautiful and our time was simply better spent outside. We took long walks in some of our favorite places and managed to get math and reading in each day, they even wrote a little bit. They played board games together, worked on a skit or two and spent a lot of time on the trampoline and swings. We had Starbucks and took a long drive.

Today, September 11th a day to remember for our family. A few years ago we started a tradition of baking and delivering home made cookies to our local firefighters, police officers, and emergency room workers on this day. The kids each make cards that we deliver along with the cookies. This year Maria made one for the hospital workers, Ciaran the police department and Sirah the fire station. They worked hard on them and together we baked a few dozen cookies to deliver.

While we were making the cookies we talked about September 11th and what happened on that day. We talked about our family and friends that were directly involved or affected by that day and pray for those families and all those affected and changed by the events of that day. We talk about why those emergency workers and first responders are so important to us and everyone and how thankful we are for them. Then we go out and deliver the cookies and cards.

Every year I tell myself I will make it through without crying and sometimes I manage through the police department our first stop but I never make it past the fire station. Knowing how many fire fighters died that day and how many went into the buildings knowing they were unlikely to return out alive yet still they went. I think of my relatives who were there and my cousin who died there fighting the fire and I think of the local men and women who would do the same for me and my family and the tears come. The fire fighters in many years have been the most affected or touched by the gesture coming on this day. One year we went in and saw the poster they keep on the inside of the station with all the fallen fire fighters from that day and I point out my cousin to them. This year the visit was more upbeat though the fire fighter we talked with lived in New York for many years and he and I were able to talk about that.

The hospital is where we all felt it the most this year. The nurses at the front counter were so moved by my kids and the card that Maria wrote. She drew wonderful pictures of nurses and doctors caring for patients and wrote touching words thanking them for all they do and the difference they make in all our lives. The kids did all the talking at the hospital, I am not sure I could have said much and it would have seem so inadequate next to my kids and their words even at the young ages of 10, 8 and 6. When Sirah shared that we did this today to remember and honor those who died and helped people 8 years ago when so many people died in the building and planes the nurse said she had goosebumps and looked up at me tears in her eyes and said you must be so proud of these children. I was.

I know all parents are proud of their kids and amazed by them but today I think anyone would have felt those things about our kids. I looked at them and their hearts and was so moved. Heading back to the car they talked about how good they felt and how we should not wait until next year to do this but we should do it once a week. How there are so many people we could bake for and say thank you too or just cheer up with a card and gift. I was amazed.

After our last delivery I was ready to just go home and pull my kids into my arms and hold them close and just be quiet and thankful with them. Instead we had plans to meet friends at a homeschool day at Fort Snelling and headed there. On arriving there I had quite an internal struggle going on within me. This particular family we were meeting was touched by September 11th in a most intimate way, the father was in the Marriott Hotel in the towers the day they fell and he survived and has shared his story with me. I actually just reread it this morning after watching some coverage with Serona. Part of his story talks about the fire fighters and one in particular that left an impression on him a fire fighter who kept saying the Hail Mary over and over again. My cousin was found in the hotel with a rosary in his hand. I have no way of knowing if they crossed paths but the similarities of the stories touched me in particular today. Walking around the military fort, hearing a cannon fired off, watching some sort of military exercise or flyover in the sky as 5 military ships circled and passed over the fort was nearly too much for me to take. Some years it does not affect me as much but today everything just swirled around and came together in a way that quieted me and led me to reflect.

Tonight at dinner the kids had lots of questions and Serona and I did our best to answer things like: Why would someone kill themselves to kill others? What makes someone hate our country so much? Why didn't they try to land the plane instead of crash it into a field? Do terrorists still live and try to do things like that? These are questions I wish I did not have to answer and when they were heading to bed I prayed for good thoughts to fill their heads and hearts and for them to remain innocent children for awhile longer.

Thank you to all who have sacrificed for me and my family. Thanks to all the heroes out there, to the military families who give so much and to those who gave all for others.

In the end I think we had an incredible first week of school and one that simply could not have been replicated in another setting. From long walks and math in the trees the first day to the service acts and life and history lessons of today I simply could not give our family a better first week.