March 17, 2004

Favorite Poem About the Irish

An Irishman Is A Guy Who...

* May not be sure there is a God, but is damn sure of the infallibility of the Pope;

* Won't eat meat on Friday, but will drink gin for breakfast;

* Believes everything he can't see and nothing he can;

* Is against abortion but in favor of hanging;

* Has such great respect for the truth, he uses it in emergencies;

* Is irrational in important things, and a tower of strength in the trivial;

* Gets married for life, but not necessarily for love;

* Can argue either side of a question, often at the same time;

* Sees things not as they are, but as they never will be;

* Believes in leprechauns and banshees, and considers anyone who doesn't to be a heathen;

* Can lick any man in the house he is the sole occupant of;

* Cries at sad movies but cheers in battle;

* Considers funerals a festivity but weddings sad events- to be put off as long as possible, preferably forever;

* Hates the English but reserves his cruelty for his countrymen;

* Gets more Irish the further he gets from Ireland;

* Is not afraid of dying, in fact may prefer it;

* Believes that God is Irish or, at least. Catholic;

* Is against corruption, unless it's a Democrat;

* Takes the pledge not to drink at the age of twelve, and every four years thereafter;

* Believes that to forgive is divine, therefore doesn't exercise it himself;

* Believes that salvation can be acheived by weekly envelopes;

* Considers anyone who won't come around to his point of view to be hopelessly stuborn;

* Loves religion for its own sake but also because it makes it damnably inconvenient for his neighbors;

* Considers a bore to be someone who constantly keeps interrupting;

* Scorns money but worships those who have it;

* Considers an Irishman who acheives success to be a traitor.

The Irish are a very perverse, complex people. It's what makes them so loveable.
They are banking so heavily that God has the same sense of humor.

Sign on the wall at Caffney's Emerald Isle, Washington, D.C.
(Owned, in order, by an Irishman, a Greek, and an Italian.)

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